200 riddles · answers on the last page · riddleup.com/riddles/funny-riddles
What can you not eat for breakfast?
A. Cereal
B. Pancakes
C. Eggs
D. Lunch or dinner
How many seconds are in a year?
A. 31,536,000
B. 365
C. 60
D. 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.
Your parents come over for a surprise breakfast while you are sleeping. You get out pancakes, toast, maple syrup, and jam. What do you open first?
A. The jam jar
B. The fridge
C. The syrup bottle
D. Your eyes
What day, within a week of today, does not end in "Y"?
A. Yesterday
B. Today
C. Someday
D. Tomorrow
What do elves do after school?
A. Play video games
B. Make toys
C. Homework
D. Gnomework
What rains at the north pole?
A. Snow
B. Hail
C. Sleet
D. Reindeer
What's an insect's favourite sport?
A. Ant races
B. Beetle boxing
C. Fly fishing
D. Cricket
What do you get when you cross a vampire and teacher?
A. Pop quiz
B. Fang exam
C. Night school
D. Blood test
Where do tadpoles change?
A. Locker room
B. Pond
C. Lily pad
D. Croakroom
What can you never have for breakfast?
A. Dinner
B. Brunch
C. Cereal
D. Lunch
What is big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten mom's day?
A. The sun
B. A taxi
C. A banana
D. School bus
What are you certain to find inside your pocket when you reach into it?
A. Lint
B. Coins
C. Keys
D. Hand
On what kind of ship do students study?
A. Cruise ship
B. Battleship
C. Friendship
D. Scholarship
When your undies attack you.
A. Static cling
B. Itchy tag
C. Loose elastic
D. Wedgie
A device for finding furniture in the dark.
A. Flashlight
B. Nightlight
C. Cane
D. Shin
What smells the most in the kitchen?
A. Garbage
B. Trash can
C. Stove
D. Nose
What is a foot long and slippery?
A. Banana peel
B. Eel
C. Ice cube
D. Slipper
What goes up and down the stairs without moving?
A. Handrail
B. Banister
C. Wallpaper
D. Carpet
According to many students, dogs have an appetite for this paper item.
A. Newspaper
B. Textbook
C. Report card
D. Homework
What is Saturn's favorite day of the week?
A. Sunday
B. Monday
C. Friday
D. Saturnday
What did the rain cloud wear under his raincoat?
A. Underwear
B. Raincoat
C. Lightning bolts
D. Thunderware
What do you get when you cross an automobile with a household animal?
A. Catmobile
B. Pet car
C. Autocat
D. Carpet
The coziest place for Dracula.
A. Castle
B. Cave
C. Basement
D. Coffin
This guy crossed a road and everyone wants an explanation.
A. Turtle
B. Squirrel
C. Duck
D. Chicken
Why do French people like to eat snails?
A. They love garlic butter.
B. Snails are cheap.
C. Snails are a delicacy.
D. They don't like eating fast food.
What age most travelers have?
A. Old age
B. Jet lag
C. Passport
D. Baggage
What suits do lawyers wear?
A. Business suits
B. Tuxedos
C. Pinstripes
D. Lawsuits
What snacks do you serve at a robot party?
A. Chips
B. Motor oil
C. Sparkplugs
D. Assorted nuts
What is a bunny's favorite music?
A. Rock
B. Jazz
C. Country
D. Hip-hop
What is a cat on ice?
A. Ice cat
B. Frozen cat
C. Slippery cat
D. Cool cat
What is the first thing a gardener plants in the garden?
A. Seeds
B. Bulbs
C. Shovel
D. Foot
Without what would everyone lose their head?
A. Spine
B. Brain
C. Hat
D. Neck
If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea what does it become?
A. Red
B. Salty
C. Lost
D. Wet
How far will a blind dog walk into a forest?
A. All the way through
B. Not at all
C. Ten miles
D. Halfway
What kind of fish chases a mouse?
A. Pikefish
B. Swordfish
C. Piranha
D. Catfish
If two is a company and three is a crowd, what are four and five?
A. A party
B. A crowd
C. Eight
D. Nine
What do you get if you milk a cow after an earthquake?
A. Sour milk
B. Spilled milk
C. Chocolate milk
D. Milkshake
I am the place to turn when nature calls. What am I?
A. Backyard
B. Kitchen
C. Garden
D. Bathroom
What runs around a house but doesn't move?
A. Driveway
B. Sidewalk
C. Porch
D. Fence
I stink in living but when dead smells good. What am I?
A. Cow
B. Fish
C. Skunk
D. Pig
Out of all the celestial bodies, this one has the funniest name.
A. Jupiter
B. Pluto
C. Mercury
D. Uranus
What kind of nail can be grown?
A. Steel nail
B. Toenail clipping
C. Screw
D. Fingernail
What stays the same size no matter how much they weight?
A. A ruler
B. A scale model
C. A mirror
D. Scales
What key is the hardest to turn?
A. Skeleton key
B. Car key
C. Piano key
D. Donkey
What kind of table has no legs?
A. Coffee table
B. Picnic table
C. Pool table
D. Periodic
Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?
A. Mr. White
B. Nobody
C. Mr. Green
D. President
The offspring of a feline and a Xerox machine.
A. Printer
B. Kitten
C. Photocat
D. Copycat
What shoes should you wear when your basement is flooded?
A. Boots
B. Sandals
C. Flip-flops
D. Pumps
Before Mt. Everest was discovered as the highest mountain in the world, which mountain was the highest?
A. K2
B. Denali
C. No mountain at all
D. Mount Everest
What kind of dog chases anything red?
A. Red setter
B. Beagle
C. Terrier
D. Bulldog
What bone has a sense of humor?
A. Funny bone
B. Wishbone
C. Backbone
D. Humorous
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A. Peter Rabbit
B. Itchy rabbit
C. Thumper
D. Bugs Bunny
How a big, hibernating mammal would show affection.
A. Cuddle
B. Nuzzle
C. Kiss
D. Bear hug
There is an ancient invention, still used in some parts of the world today, that allows people to see through walls.
A. Telescope
B. X-ray machine
C. Periscope
D. Window
Teddy bears are never hungry because they are always what?
A. Full
B. Fed
C. Satisfied
D. Stuffed
How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?
A. Lint
B. Air
C. Dust
D. Hole
What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A. Whiskers
B. Nine lives
C. Claws
D. Kittens
Where do sailors take their baths?
A. Submarine
B. Bathtub
C. Battleship
D. Tubmarine
How do snails travel?
A. Quickly
B. By car
C. On wheels
D. Slowly
A pet shop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears." A young man bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?
A. The parrot was mute.
B. The parrot was asleep the whole time.
C. The man never actually spoke to it.
D. The parrot was deaf!
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
A. He fights the dragon.
B. He breaks the magnifying glass.
C. He waits for a rainy day.
D. He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.
There is a man in a 4 story building. He jumps out of the window and is unharmed. He used no padding, and had no harm done. How?
A. He landed on a trampoline.
B. He used a hidden parachute.
C. The window was on the roof.
D. He jumped out of the ground floor.
Which bow can't be tied?
A. Bow tie
B. Ribbon
C. Archer's bow
D. Rainbow
What is red and smells like blue paint?
A. Blue paint
B. Cherry
C. Fire truck
D. Red paint
A red house is made out of red bricks. A blue house is made out of blue bricks. What is a green house made out of?
A. Green bricks
B. Leaves
C. Green paint
D. Glass
When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you know what I am, then I am nothing. What am I?
A. Secret
B. Mystery
C. Question
D. Riddle
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A. Main street
B. Boulevard
C. Cul-de-sac
D. Dead end
Which tree is the most difficult to get along with?
A. Oak tree
B. Pine tree
C. Willow tree
D. Crab tree
What does an old tan broken down house wear outside?
A. Shutters
B. Paint
C. Siding
D. Tan coat
What has a foot but no leg?
A. Shoe
B. Table
C. Sock
D. Ruler
What fastens two people yet touches only one?
A. Handshake
B. Marriage license
C. Belt
D. Wedding ring
Which popular cheese is made backwards?
A. Cheddar
B. Gouda
C. Brie
D. Edam
What kind of room doesn't have physical walls?
A. Waiting room
B. Sunroom
C. Bathroom
D. Chat room
What type of house weighs the least?
A. Treehouse
B. Doghouse
C. Cottage
D. Lighthouse
What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
A. Library
B. Newspaper
C. Encyclopedia
D. Post office
I cannot hear or even see, But sense light and sounds there may be, Sometimes I end up on a hook, I can be combined with a book. What am I?
A. Fish
B. Insect
C. Snail
D. Worm
When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you gay. When old, I am valued more than ever.
A. Grape juice
B. Cheese
C. Honey
D. Wine
What has a head yet it never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but can not walk, and has a bank but not a cent to its name?
A. Clock
B. Road
C. Mountain
D. River
What do you get if you put a radio in the fridge?
A. Frozen songs
B. Cold static
C. Chilled news
D. Cool music
There is a kind of fish that can never swim. What is that?
A. Starfish
B. Catfish
C. Jellyfish
D. Dead fish
What's the red stuff between elephant's toes?
A. Mud
B. Ketchup
C. Berries
D. Slow pygmies
What is bought by the yard but is worn by the foot?
A. Shoelace
B. Fabric
C. Ribbon
D. Carpet
The shorter I am, the bigger I am. What am I?
A. Fuse
B. Patience
C. Height
D. Temper
What ship has no captain but two mates?
A. Friendship
B. Partnership
C. Battleship
D. Courtship
What starts with an "e" but only has a single letter in it?
A. Eagle
B. Echo
C. Empty box
D. Envelope
I have eight to spare and am covered with hair.
A. Spider
B. Bear
C. Dog
D. Cat
Which side of a cat has the most fur?
A. Left side
B. Belly
C. Tail
D. Outside
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A. Long
B. Small
C. Tiny
D. Short
What always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A. Dog
B. Boot
C. Sock puppet
D. Horse
What type of dress can never be worn?
A. Sundress
B. Costume
C. Uniform
D. Address
Riddle
A. a_answer_option
B. b_answer_option
C. c_answer_option
D. Answer
What is the coolest and most awesome of all the vegetables?
A. A cool-cumber
B. A rad-ish carrot
C. A neat-o pea
D. A rad-ish
What fruit loves to go crazy and go wild?
A. Berries
B. Grapes
C. Cherries
D. Bananas
What is the wealthiest nut?
A. A walnut
B. An almond
C. A peanut
D. A cashew
How does a dog cross a river without getting wet?
A. It swims fast
B. It uses a boat
C. It flies across
D. The river is frozen
I have numbers on my face but can't find 13 any place. What am I?
A. A watch
B. A calendar
C. A dice
D. A clock
What can you hear but not touch or see?
A. An echo
B. Music
C. The wind
D. Your voice
I can be flipped and broken but I never move. I can be closed, and opened, and sometimes removed. I am sealed by hands. What am I?
A. A promise
B. A contract
C. A lock
D. A deal
Once I'm 24. Twice I'm 20. Three times I'm inappropriate. What am I?
A. A rating system
B. A kiss
C. A dozen
D. The letter "X"
You are a bus driver, 8 people get on, 2 people get off, 2 more people get on and another 1 get off. Finally, 3 more people get on and 2 get off again. How old is the bus driver?
A. 28 years old
B. 10 years old
C. The riddle can't be solved
D. Whatever your age is, since you're the driver
What gets bigger the more you take away?
A. A debt
B. A gap
C. A crater
D. A hole
What runs but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
A. A stream
B. A road
C. The wind
D. A river
From the beginning of eternity To the end of time and space To the beginning of every end And the end of every place. What am I?
A. The letter "T"
B. Infinity
C. Time
D. The letter "E"
When it comes to me, you go on red and stops on green. What am I?
A. A traffic light
B. An apple
C. A stoplight
D. A watermelon
I go up and down at the same time. Up towards to sky and down towards the ground. What am I?
A. An elevator
B. A swing
C. A yo-yo
D. A seesaw
What is something you can hold without ever touching?
A. A thought
B. A secret
C. Your temper
D. Your breath
I come without being fetched at night, hides away as soon as daylight strikes. Although I may look small, I am much mightier than what you can imagine. What am I?
A. The moon
B. A firefly
C. A candle
D. A star
In two years I know, I'll be twice as old as five years ago, said Tom. How old is Tom?
A. 10
B. 14
C. 17
D. 12
What is easy to get into, and hard to get out of?
A. A maze
B. Quicksand
C. Debt
D. Trouble
David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and?
A. Pop
B. Crunch
C. Pop and Crackle
D. David
What has a tongue but cannot talk, gets around a lot but cannot walk?
A. A sock
B. A boot
C. A sandal
D. A shoe
I always have to work with something in my eye. What am I?
A. A camera
B. A microscope
C. Scissors
D. A needle
Flat as a leaf, round as a ring. Has two eyes, can't see a thing.
A. A coin
B. A washer
C. A bead
D. A button
What is it that given one, you'll have either two or none?
A. An option
B. A decision
C. A vote
D. A choice
What has one foot on each side and one in the middle?
A. A ruler
B. A tripod
C. A table
D. A yardstick
You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
A. A doorbell
B. An alarm
C. A letter
D. A telephone
I will disappear every time you say my name. What am I?
A. An echo
B. A secret
C. A whisper
D. Silence
What is used by man, tossed by trees, everywhere but unseen?
A. Wind
B. Leaves
C. Sound
D. Air
Take away my first letter, then take away my second letter. Then take away the rest of my letters, yet I remain the same. What am I?
A. A mailbox
B. A letter
C. An envelope
D. A postman
What has 4 fingers and a thumb, but is not living?
A. A hand
B. A mitten
C. A puppet
D. A glove
Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid?
A. It was left outside alone
B. Its candle blew out
C. It saw its reflection
D. It had no spine!
What's a monster's favorite play?
A. Frankenstein and Friends!
B. The Phantom of the Opera!
C. A Mid-Scream Night's Dream!
D. Romeo and Ghouliet!
How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A. On bat wings!
B. On broomsticks!
C. On night trains!
D. On blood vessels!
Why don't mummies take vacations?
A. They can't afford the trip
B. They dislike sandy beaches
C. They fear getting lost
D. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
A. Seeds!
B. Worms!
C. Feathers!
D. Tweets!
Why did the skeleton stay home on Halloween?
A. He had no costume ready
B. He was afraid of trick-or-treaters
C. He couldn't find his candy bag
D. He had no guts!
What's a ghost's favorite dessert?
A. Boo-berry pie!
B. Spirit cake!
C. Fright pudding!
D. I-scream!
How do ghosts like their eggs?
A. Scary-scrambled
B. Fright-boiled
C. Ghoul-poached
D. Terri-fried!
What room does a ghost not need?
A. A bedroom!
B. A bathroom!
C. A dining room!
D. A living room!
Why are ghosts bad liars?
A. Because they always moan when lying
B. Because they can't keep a straight face
C. Because they float away nervously
D. Because you can see right through them!
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A. Spirit soap!
B. Fright rinse!
C. Haunt gel!
D. Sham-boo!
Why did the ghost go to the bar?
A. For the free snacks!
B. To haunt the bartender!
C. To scare the customers!
D. For the boos!
What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
A. Pumpkin squared!
B. Gourd-ratio!
C. Squash root!
D. Pumpkin pi!
Why is fall the best season for jokes?
A. Because leaves crunch underfoot
B. Because everyone loves pumpkin spice
C. Because the weather is cool and crisp
D. The puns are ripe!
What did one autumn leaf say to another?
A. I'm turning a new color for you!
B. I'm blowing away with you!
C. I'm drifting your way!
D. I'm falling head over heels!
Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A. Because the leaves cover the ground
B. Because it's warmer to fly
C. Because they follow other birds
D. Because it's too far to walk!
Why did the scarecrow love autumn?
A. It was harvest season for corn
B. It got a new hat
C. Birds finally left him alone
D. It was his hay-day!
What's an autumn tree's favorite drink?
A. Leaf tea!
B. Bark cola!
C. Branch punch!
D. Root beer!
How do leaves travel in autumn?
A. They ride the wind express
B. They float on rain puddles
C. They hop on squirrel backs
D. They take the autumn-mobile!
Why are trees so carefree in autumn?
A. They enjoy the cool breeze
B. They're preparing for winter rest
C. They shed their old bark
D. They let it all fall away!
What did the leaf say to autumn?
A. I'm changing for you!
B. I'm turning for you!
C. I'm drifting for you!
D. I'm falling for you!
Why did the tree worry in autumn?
A. It was afraid of the cold
B. It didn't want to lose its color
C. It feared strong winds
D. It was afraid of leaf-ing!
What do you call a fancy pumpkin?
A. A pumpkin de la creme
B. A squash supreme
C. A vine deluxe
D. A gourd-met!
Why did the pumpkin blush?
A. It saw its reflection
B. It got picked too early
C. It heard a compliment
D. It saw the salad dressing!
What did the pumpkin say to the pie?
A. 'You're so pie-licious!'
B. 'You're crust-worthy!'
C. 'You're one spiced pie!'
D. 'You're looking gourd-geous!'
How do pumpkins listen to music?
A. Through patch speakers!
B. On gourd-io players!
C. With seed earbuds!
D. On vine-yl records!
Why was the pumpkin afraid?
A. It saw a scarecrow
B. It was left out in the cold
C. It heard a ghost story
D. It had no guts!
What's a pumpkin's favorite sport?
A. Vine-ball!
B. Gourd golf!
C. Patch racing!
D. Squash!
What do you call a biologist's selfie?
A. A gene-ic!
B. A DNA-fie!
C. A microscope-ie!
D. A cell-fie!
Why did the amoeba go to therapy?
A. It couldn't find its identity
B. It was too small to be seen
C. It felt lonely as a single cell
D. It was feeling divided!
How does a biologist flirt?
A. 'You're my genetic match!'
B. 'Let's photosynthesize together!'
C. 'You make my cells divide!'
D. 'You're the nucleus of my heart!'
Why are biologists great at parties?
A. They bring lab experiments as games
B. They tell jokes about cells
C. They know everyone's genetics
D. They know how to break the ice with DNA!
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?
A. Meiosis!
B. Ouch, sis!
C. Cytokinesis!
D. Mitosis!
Why did the biologist break up with the physicist?
A. They disagreed on evolution
B. They had different lab schedules
C. They studied different species
D. No chemistry!
What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A cauldron cave
B. A spell shed
C. A cackle corner
D. A broom closet!
How do witches stay positive?
A. They read tarot cards daily
B. They fly above their problems
C. They brew happy potions
D. They cast good spells!
Why was the witch's spelling book boring?
A. It had torn pages
B. It was written in an old language
C. It had no pictures
D. It had no spells!
What do witches use to keep their hair in place?
A. Spell gel!
B. Fright spray!
C. Broom balm!
D. Scare spray!
Why did the witch go to the beach?
A. To catch some sun on her broom
B. To relax after a long spell
C. To meet other witches
D. To ride the broom tides!
Which witch is which?
A. The one with the broom
B. The one with the cat
C. The one with the cauldron
D. The one with the hat!
Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
A. He wanted to check the weather
B. He was looking for victims' addresses
C. He enjoyed the daily comics
D. He heard it had great circulation!
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A. Tomb tunes
B. Bandage beats
C. Ancient echoes
D. Wrap music!
Why are graveyards noisy?
A. Because of howling wind
B. Because of creaking gates
C. Because of crying mourners
D. Because of all the coffin!
What do you call a spooky chicken?
A. A ghost hen
B. A haunted rooster
C. A spooky cluck
D. Poultry-geist!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
A. He was too shy to ask anyone
B. His friends were busy that night
C. He preferred dancing alone
D. He had no body to go with!
What did the puzzle say after completion?
A. 'That was a puzzle!'
B. 'Finally fit together!'
C. 'Piece of cake!'
D. 'That was piecing!'
Why was the crossword puzzle sad?
A. It had too many blank squares
B. It couldn't find the right words
C. It was left unfinished
D. It was clueless!
How do puzzles flirt?
A. They say 'You complete me!'
B. They say 'Let's connect the dots!'
C. They say 'You're my missing piece!'
D. They say, 'We fit together perfectly!'
Why did the puzzle go to school?
A. To learn how to fit in
B. To meet other puzzles
C. To find its missing pieces
D. To become a smart piece!
What do you call a puzzle that's always late?
A. A slowpoke puzzle
B. A tardy jigsaw
C. A missing-piece puzzle
D. A jigsaw procrastinator!
Why was the puzzle so confident?
A. It was the biggest puzzle in the box
B. It had a picture on the front
C. It never lost a single piece
D. It knew it had all the pieces!
Why did the pho go to therapy?
A. It had too much broth
B. It felt too spicy
C. It was afraid of noodles
D. It had too many beefs!
What did the noodle say to the soup?
A. Broth you later!
B. Noodle you soon!
C. Slurp you around!
D. Pho-get about it!
What did one grape say to the other?
A. You're grape by me!
B. You're the best bunch!
C. You're squishing me!
D. You're vine by me!
How do grapes propose?
A. With a vineyard tour
B. With a basket of fruit
C. With a raisin ring
D. With a nice bottle of wine!
Why are grapes never lonely?
A. Because they grow on busy vines
B. Because farmers visit often
C. Because they're always in salads
D. Because they come in bunches!
What do you call two grapes hanging out?
A. A vine duo
B. A cluster crew
C. A wine pair
D. A bunch of friends!
Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
A. Because it saw a red light
B. Because it got squished by a car
C. Because it was too tired to roll
D. Because it ran out of juice!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
A. It screamed in pain
B. It rolled away quickly
C. It burst into juice
D. Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
How do you make holy water?
A. You bless it in church
B. You freeze it under a full moon
C. You add a pinch of salt
D. You boil the hell out of it!
Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar?
A. He wanted to fix the roof first
B. He needed to reach a high shelf
C. He was helping a friend move
D. He heard the drinks were on the house!
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A. An okay-tory
B. A mediocre mill
C. A so-so plant
D. A satisfactory!
I don't trust stairs.
A. They're too steep to climb
B. They creak too much at night
C. They lead to the attic
D. They're always up to something!
Why don't crabs give to charity?
A. Because they have no hands
B. Because they live too deep in the ocean
C. Because their shells are too valuable
D. Because they're shellfish!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
A. It has no ending
B. It floats off the shelf
C. It's too heavy to lift
D. It's impossible to put down!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A. A pie-thon
B. A snake pie
C. A python pastry
D. A python!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A. Because it was too sweet
B. Because it was burnt
C. Because it lost its chocolate chips
D. Because it felt crummy!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A snoring steer
B. A lazy ox
C. A napping cow
D. A bull-dozer!
What animal needs to wear a wig?
A. A hairless cat
B. A bald mouse
C. A featherless chicken
D. A bald eagle!
Why did the student eat his homework?
A. Because he was hungry after school
B. Because he lost his lunch money
C. Because he didn't want to turn it in
D. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What is a cat's favorite color?
A. Meow-ve
B. Whisker white
C. Claw-range
D. Purr-ple!
Why did the cat go to medical school?
A. To learn about nine lives
B. To study animal anatomy
C. To help sick kittens
D. To become a purr-medic!
What do you call a cat in a station wagon?
A. A road cat
B. A wagon kitty
C. A traveling tabby
D. A car-pet!
How do cats end a fight?
A. They scratch it out
B. They walk away silently
C. They chase each other until tired
D. They hiss and make up!
Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
A. Because it was too tall to climb
B. Because birds nested in it
C. Because it had thorns
D. Because of its bark!
What do you call a cat who loves to bowl?
A. A bowling cat
B. A pin-chasing cat
C. A strike cat
D. An alley cat!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A. He forgot to add milk
B. He drank it too fast
C. He used the wrong mug
D. He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a fake noodle?
A. A noodle fraud
B. Faux-fredo
C. Spaghett-no
D. An impasta!
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A. Because the pay was too low
B. Because the machine broke down
C. Because it was too repetitive
D. Because it was soda pressing!
I dropped my toothpaste.
A. I'm quite Colgate-d
B. I'm brush-broken
C. I'm minty sad
D. I'm Crestfallen.
Answers
Lunch or dinnerSince lunch and dinner happen later in the day, neither can technically be eaten during breakfast time.
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.This is a pun: rather than counting time in seconds, it counts the twelve calendar 'seconds' -- the 2nd of January, the 2nd of February, and so on.
Your eyesBefore touching any food on the table, you first have to open your eyes to wake up and notice the surprise breakfast in front of you.
TomorrowEvery named day of the week (Monday, Tuesday, etc.) ends in the letter 'y,' but 'tomorrow' -- which falls within a week of today -- does not.
GnomeworkThis is a pun combining "gnome," a mythical creature like an elf, with "homework."
ReindeerThis is a pun — "reindeer" sounds like "rain, dear," making them the thing that "rains" at the North Pole.
Cricket"Cricket" is both a popular sport and a type of insect, making it the punny answer.
Blood test"Blood test" combines a vampire's thirst for blood with a teacher's habit of giving tests.
CroakroomThis is a pun: tadpoles "change" into frogs in the "croak-room," a play on "cloakroom" and the croaking sound frogs make.
LunchBy definition, lunch is a midday meal, so you cannot have it in the morning at breakfast time.
School busThe big yellow school bus arrives each morning to take the kids to school, giving a parent a welcome break.
HandNo matter what else is or isn't in your pocket, your hand itself is always there when you reach in.
ScholarshipThis is a pun -- 'scholarship' contains the word 'ship' and refers to funding for students' study.
WedgieA wedgie is when underwear rides up uncomfortably, as if it were attacking you.
ShinThis is a joking riddle: you "find" furniture in the dark by painfully bumping your shin into it, not with an actual device.
NoseThis is a play on words -- your nose is the thing doing the 'smelling,' not necessarily the smelliest object.
SlipperThis plays on the word 'slipper,' which literally is worn on a foot and sounds like 'slippery.'
CarpetA carpet or runner laid on a staircase extends up and down its length, but it never actually moves itself.
HomeworkMy dog ate my homework is the classic excuse blaming a dog's appetite for missing schoolwork.
SaturndayIt's a pun -- 'Saturday' sounds like 'Saturn-day,' the planet's namesake day. (The source text playfully spells it 'Saturnday' to highlight the pun.)
ThunderwareThis is a pun on 'underwear' -- the cloud wears 'thunderwear' (thunder + underwear).
Carpet"Carpet" blends "car" and "pet," the two things being crossed.
CoffinVampire lore, including Dracula, depicts him resting comfortably in a coffin by day.
ChickenThis references the classic "why did the chicken cross the road" joke, needing no real explanation beyond that.
They don't like eating fast food.This is a pun-based joke: snails are extremely slow, so the French 'don't like fast food' -- they prefer their food (snails) slow.
BaggageThis is a wordplay riddle: the word 'baggage' -- which travelers carry -- ends with the letters 'age,' answering what 'age' most travelers have.
LawsuitsThis is a pun: lawyers argue 'lawsuits,' which sounds like 'law suits' -- the clothing lawyers might wear.
Assorted nutsThis is a pun: robots are built with nuts and bolts, so 'assorted nuts' makes a fitting robot party snack.
Hip-hopThis is a pun: rabbits hop, so their favorite music genre would be 'hip-hop.'
Cool cat"Cool cat" is slang for someone stylish, punning on the literal coldness of ice.
FootThis is a trick question: before planting anything else, the gardener first plants (sets down) their own foot in the garden soil.
NeckThe head is physically attached to the body by the neck, so without a neck, everyone would literally "lose their head."
WetIt's a simple trick question -- dropping anything in any sea just makes it wet, regardless of the sea's name or the hat's color.
HalfwayOnce a dog reaches the middle of the forest, every remaining step is technically walking back out of it -- so it only ever walks "halfway" in.
CatfishThis is a pun: a cat chases a mouse, and "catfish" contains the word "cat."
NineIt's a play on words: while two is "company" and three a "crowd," four plus five simply adds up to nine.
MilkshakeThe shaking motion of an earthquake makes the pun of getting a "milkshake" when milking a cow during one.
Bathroom"When nature calls" is a common euphemism for needing to use the bathroom.
FenceA fence encircles ("runs around") a house's perimeter, but it stays perfectly still.
PigLive pigs and pig farms are notorious for their strong odor, but once turned into bacon or ham and cooked, the smell becomes appetizing.
UranusUranus is the planet whose name is a perennial source of juvenile jokes because of how it sounds.
FingernailUnlike a metal nail used in carpentry, a fingernail is living tissue that naturally grows out of your finger.
ScalesA weighing scale itself doesn't change size regardless of how heavy or light the object placed on it is.
DonkeyThis is a wordplay riddle: the word "donkey" contains "key," and donkeys are famously stubborn, making them the hardest "key" to turn (persuade).
PeriodicThe periodic table of elements is a chart, not a piece of furniture, so it has no physical legs.
PresidentThis is a trick riddle - the White House isn't matched to a color-named 'Mr. White,' but is actually the residence of the President of the United States.
Copycat"Copycat" literally combines "copy" (what a Xerox machine does) with "cat" (a feline).
PumpsIt's a pun on "pumps," a style of shoe, since you would also need a water pump to deal with a flooded basement.
Mount EverestMount Everest was always the tallest mountain physically; "discovering" it as the tallest didn't change its actual height.
BulldogThis puns on 'bull,' since bulls are famously provoked by the color red, even though real bulls are actually colorblind.
HumorousThe 'humerus' (upper arm bone) sounds identical to 'humorous,' the trick behind this riddle.
Bugs BunnyThis is a pun on the cartoon character Bugs Bunny, combining 'bugs' (fleas) with 'bunny.'
Bear hugThis is a pun: bears hibernate through winter, and a tight, affectionate squeeze is called a 'bear hug.'
WindowWindows have let people see through walls for thousands of years, long before modern technology.
StuffedThis is a pun: teddy bears are filled with stuffing, so they're always 'stuffed' rather than hungry.
HoleAn empty pocket can still contain a hole -- the hole itself counts as "something," even though the pocket holds nothing else.
KittensWhile traits like purring or claws appear in variations elsewhere, "kittens" are specifically and exclusively baby cats -- no other animal has kittens by definition.
TubmarineThis is a pun blending 'tub' (where you bathe) with 'submarine' (a sailor's vessel) into 'tubmarine.'
SlowlySnails move by slow muscular contractions of their foot, making 'slowly' both literally and idiomatically true.
The parrot was deaf!The shop's sign only claimed the parrot repeats everything it hears - since the bird was deaf, it never heard a word the man said, so the shopkeeper technically never lied.
He waits until night time and then goes through the first door.The magnifying-glass room is only lethal because it focuses sunlight; once night falls there is no sun to focus, so the man can safely walk through the first door.
He jumped out of the ground floor.The riddle never says which floor he jumped from -- jumping out of a ground-floor window involves no real height at all.
RainbowA pun on "bow" -- a rainbow is a colorful "bow" across the sky, but it is a natural phenomenon, not a ribbon that can be tied.
Red paintThis is an absurdist joke riddle -- red paint simply smells the same as blue paint, since color has no real effect on paint's odor.
GlassThe riddle plays on the compound word 'greenhouse' - it is actually built of glass, not colored bricks, unlike the literal red and blue houses.
RiddleA riddle is intriguing while unsolved, but once you know the answer it no longer feels like a mystery -- it becomes 'nothing' special.
Dead endA pun on "dead end" -- ghosts, being dead, would naturally prefer a street that is literally a dead end.
Crab treeA pun on "crabby" -- a crab(apple) tree sounds like "crab," meaning bad-tempered.
Tan coatThis plays on "coat" meaning a layer of paint -- an old tan house wears a "tan coat" (of paint) on its exterior. Note: this is a fairly loose, awkwardly worded pun, but it is the source's intended answer.
RulerA ruler measures in 'feet' (the unit) but obviously has no actual leg.
Wedding ringA wedding ring symbolically binds two people together, but physically it's only ever worn on one person's finger at a time.
EdamSpell 'made' backwards and you get 'Edam,' a real Dutch cheese -- a pure wordplay riddle.
Chat roomAn online chat room is a virtual space for conversation with no physical walls at all.
LighthouseThis is a pun: a 'light' house weighs the least because its very name contains the word 'light.'
Post office'Post office' starts with P and ends with E, and it processes vast volumes of mail -- effectively holding a 'million letters' at once, using the same double meaning of 'letter' as the envelope riddle.
WormA worm has no eyes or ears yet reacts to vibration and light, is used as fishing bait on a hook, and combines with book to form bookworm.
WineWine starts as sweet grapes ripening in the sun, becomes intoxicating ("gay," meaning merry) once fermented, and grows more prized and valuable the longer it ages.
RiverA river has a "head" (source), a "bed" (riverbed), it "runs," and it has a "bank," but none of these literally.
Cool musicA fridge makes things cold, so the radio inside would play "cool" music, a pun on temperature and style.
Dead fishA dead fish cannot swim because it is no longer alive -- a simple, slightly dark pun on the phrase "can never swim."
Slow pygmiesThis is a classic dark-humor joke riddle implying that any 'slow pygmies' unlucky enough to be underfoot get squashed by the elephant.
CarpetCarpet is sold by the square yard, but people walk on it with their feet, wearing it down over time.
TemperHaving a 'short temper' means someone gets angry (a big reaction) very easily -- the shorter the temper, the bigger the outburst.
CourtshipThis is a pun: 'courtship' (dating) sounds like a ship, and it involves two romantic 'mates' without an actual captain.
EnvelopeAn envelope starts with the letter E, and it's designed to hold exactly one 'letter' inside -- playing on 'letter' meaning both an alphabet character and a piece of mail.
CatA cat is said to have nine lives, so after using one it still has eight to spare, and its body is covered in fur.
OutsideThis is a play on words -- the 'outside' of a cat is the side facing out, which is where all its visible fur is.
ShortAdding 'ER' to SHORT produces SHORTER -- a word that is textually longer but describes something even more short, a play on meaning versus letter count.
HorseA horse is fitted with horseshoes, which stay on its feet ('shoes on') even while it sleeps standing up.
AddressThis is a pun: a street 'address' is spelled like 'a dress,' but you can't wear it -- it's information, not clothing.
Answerriddle_tips_or_Explanation
A rad-ishThis is a pun -- "radish" sounds like "rad-ish," meaning "somewhat rad," using slang for cool or awesome.
BananasThis plays on the idiom 'going bananas,' meaning to act wild or crazy.
A cashew"Cashew" sounds like "cash," matching the riddle's theme of wealth.
The river is frozenIf the river's surface has frozen solid, a dog can simply walk across the ice without ever touching the water.
A clockA standard clock face shows the numbers 1 through 12, so the number 13 never appears on it.
Your voiceYour voice is audible to others and yourself, but it has no physical form to see or touch.
A dealA deal can be 'flipped' (renegotiated) or 'broken' without ever physically moving, opened or closed as negotiations proceed, and traditionally sealed with a handshake.
The letter "X""X" is the 24th letter of the alphabet, "XX" is the Roman numeral for 20, and "XXX" is a rating label for adult content.
Whatever your age is, since you're the driverThe riddle secretly casts you as the bus driver from its very first line, so no matter how the passenger count changes along the route, the driver's age is simply your own.
A holeDigging more material out of the ground only makes this opening larger.
A riverA river runs without legs, has a 'mouth' where it meets the sea, a 'head' (source) that never weeps, and a 'bed' it never sleeps in - all literal riverside terms.
The letter "E"The letter 'E' sits at the end of 'time' and 'space,' appears throughout 'eternity,' and marks 'the end' of both 'every end' and 'every place.'
A watermelonEating a watermelon reverses a traffic light: you keep going through the red flesh and stop once you hit the green rind.
A seesawThis playground toy has two ends that move in opposite directions simultaneously.
Your breathYou can "hold" your breath by not exhaling, without ever physically touching it.
A starA star appears each night without being summoned and vanishes with daylight, and though it looks tiny from Earth, it is unimaginably vast and powerful up close.
12If x is Tom's current age: x+2 = 2(x-5), which solves to x = 12.
TroubleIt's simple to make a mistake that lands you here, but much harder to fix the consequences.
DavidThe riddle names 'David's father,' so David himself must be the third son, not 'Pop' as the Rice Krispies pattern misleads you to guess.
A shoeA shoe has a 'tongue' flap and travels wherever its wearer walks, but it has no ability to speak or move on its own.
A needleA needle has an 'eye' -- the hole thread passes through -- and sewing always involves working through it.
A buttonA button is flat and round with two (or four) holes -- sometimes called 'eyes' -- for sewing thread through, though it can't actually see.
A choiceBeing given a single choice means you now have two possible outcomes to pick between -- or, if you refuse to choose, effectively none.
A yardstickA yardstick measures three feet, so it can be thought of as having one 'foot' of length on each end and one in the middle.
A telephoneWhen this device rings, you pick it up and answer it, even though it never literally asks anything.
SilenceThe moment silence is spoken about out loud, it's broken — the word itself undoes the thing it names.
AirEvery person breathes air, trees toss it around as wind rustles their leaves, and it surrounds us everywhere despite being invisible.
A postmanThis is a play on the word "letters" -- whether you remove alphabet letters or take away actual pieces of mail (letters) from a postman, he still remains a "postman."
A gloveA glove is shaped exactly like a hand, with four finger slots and a thumb slot, but it's just fabric or leather, not alive.
It had no spine!This puns on 'spine,' meaning both courage and a physical backbone, which a hollowed-out pumpkin lacks.
Romeo and Ghouliet!This puns on 'Ghouliet,' blending 'ghoul' with 'Juliet' from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
On blood vessels!This puns on 'blood vessels,' a biological term, referencing a vampire's need for blood as a mode of 'transport.'
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!This puns on 'unwind,' meaning both relaxing and a mummy's wrapped bandages literally unwinding.
Tweets!This puns on 'tweets,' meaning both a bird's chirp and candy 'treats' given out on Halloween.
He had no guts!This puns on 'guts,' meaning both courage and internal organs, which skeletons lack.
I-scream!This puns on 'I-scream,' sounding like 'ice cream,' combined with a ghost's frightening scream.
Terri-fried!This puns on 'terri-fried,' combining 'terrified' with 'fried,' a way of cooking eggs.
A living room!This puns on 'living room,' since ghosts are not alive and therefore have no need for a room meant for the living.
Because you can see right through them!This puns on 'see right through them,' meaning both detecting a lie and a ghost's transparent, see-through appearance.
Sham-boo!This puns on 'sham-boo,' combining 'shampoo' with 'boo,' a ghost's spooky sound.
For the boos!This puns on 'boos,' sounding like 'booze,' referencing both a ghost's spooky sound and alcoholic drinks.
Pumpkin pi!This puns on 'pumpkin pi,' combining the mathematical constant pi with pumpkin pie, a fall dessert.
The puns are ripe!This puns on 'ripe,' meaning both fruit ready for harvest in fall and jokes being perfectly timed.
I'm falling head over heels!This puns on 'falling head over heels,' an idiom for being in love, referencing a leaf literally falling.
Because it's too far to walk!This is an absurdist joke stating the obvious reason birds fly rather than walk long distances.
It was his hay-day!This puns on 'hay-day,' sounding like 'heyday,' meaning a peak period, combined with the hay a scarecrow is stuffed with.
Root beer!This puns on 'root,' referring to a tree's roots, combined with the beverage 'root beer.'
They take the autumn-mobile!This puns on 'autumn-mobile,' combining 'autumn' with 'automobile,' describing leaves 'traveling' by falling and blowing around.
They let it all fall away!This puns on 'fall away,' meaning both releasing worries and leaves falling from trees.
I'm falling for you!This puns on 'falling,' meaning both romantic infatuation and leaves literally falling in autumn.
It was afraid of leaf-ing!This puns on 'leaf-ing,' sounding like 'leaving,' referencing leaves falling off trees in autumn.
A gourd-met!This puns on 'gourd-met,' combining 'gourd' with 'gourmet,' meaning refined or high-class food.
It saw the salad dressing!This puns on 'dressing,' meaning both salad dressing and getting undressed, making the pumpkin blush.
'You're looking gourd-geous!'This puns on 'gourd-geous,' combining 'gourd,' a pumpkin family term, with 'gorgeous.'
On vine-yl records!This puns on 'vinyl,' a type of music record, sounding like 'vine,' which pumpkins grow on.
It had no guts!This puns on 'guts,' meaning both courage and the seeds/pulp scooped from inside a pumpkin.
Squash!This puns on 'squash,' both a sport and a vegetable related to pumpkins.
A cell-fie!This puns on 'cell-fie,' combining 'cell,' the basic unit of biology, with 'selfie.'
It was feeling divided!This puns on 'divided,' meaning both emotional conflict and an amoeba's method of reproduction by splitting.
'You're the nucleus of my heart!'This puns on 'nucleus,' the control center of a cell, romantically applied to being the center of someone's heart.
They know how to break the ice with DNA!This puns on 'break the ice,' a social icebreaker phrase, combined with DNA, a core concept in biology.
Mitosis!This puns on 'mitosis,' the process of cell division, sounding like 'my toe, sis.'
No chemistry!This puns on 'chemistry,' meaning both romantic connection and the scientific field distinct from biology and physics.
A broom closet!This puns on 'broom closet,' a small storage space, humorously repurposed to store a witch's broomstick.
They cast good spells!This puns on 'cast good spells,' meaning both performing benevolent magic and maintaining a positive outlook.
It had no spells!This puns on 'spells,' meaning both magic spells and spelling words correctly.
Scare spray!This puns on 'scare spray,' sounding like 'hairspray,' fitting a witch's spooky theme.
To ride the broom tides!This puns on 'broom tides,' sounding like 'brood tides,' combining a witch's broom with ocean waves.
The one with the hat!This plays on the homophones 'which' and 'witch,' resolved with the classic witch hat as identifier.
He heard it had great circulation!This puns on 'circulation,' meaning both a newspaper's readership numbers and blood circulation, which vampires crave.
Wrap music!This puns on 'wrap,' sounding like 'rap' music, referencing the bandages mummies are wrapped in.
Because of all the coffin!This puns on 'coffin,' sounding like 'coughing,' a noisy sound associated with graveyards.
Poultry-geist!This puns on 'poltergeist,' a type of ghost, combined with 'poultry,' referring to chicken.
He had no body to go with!This puns on 'no body,' meaning both no companion and literally lacking a body since he's a skeleton.
'That was piecing!'This puns on 'piecing,' sounding like 'pleasing,' referencing the puzzle pieces coming together.
It was clueless!This puns on 'clueless,' meaning both lacking crossword clues and being uninformed or confused.
They say, 'We fit together perfectly!'This puns on puzzle pieces literally fitting together, applied romantically as a flirtatious line.
To become a smart piece!This puns on 'smart piece,' sounding like 'smart peace,' referencing a puzzle piece becoming educated.
A jigsaw procrastinator!This combines 'jigsaw,' a puzzle type, with 'procrastinator,' someone who delays tasks.
It knew it had all the pieces!This puns on 'having all the pieces,' meaning both literal puzzle pieces and being fully prepared or informed.
It had too many beefs!This puns on 'beefs,' meaning both unresolved issues and the beef ingredient commonly found in pho.
Pho-get about it!This puns on 'Pho,' the Vietnamese soup, sounding like 'forget' in 'forget about it.'
You're vine by me!This puns on 'vine,' sounding like 'fine,' referencing the vine that grapes grow on.
With a nice bottle of wine!This plays on the fact that grapes are fermented into wine, a fitting proposal gift from a grape's perspective.
Because they come in bunches!This puns on 'bunches,' referencing how grapes naturally grow clustered together on the vine.
A bunch of friends!This puns on 'bunch,' meaning both a cluster of grapes and a group of friends.
Because it ran out of juice!This puns on 'juice,' meaning both fuel/energy and the liquid inside a grape.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!This puns on 'wine,' sounding like 'whine,' referencing the grape's transformation into wine when crushed.
You boil the hell out of it!This puns on 'boil the hell out of it,' an exaggerated phrase for boiling vigorously, applied literally to make water 'holy.'
He heard the drinks were on the house!This puns on 'on the house,' meaning both free drinks and literally being on top of the house's roof.
A satisfactory!This puns on 'satisfactory,' combining 'satisfy' with 'factory' to describe mediocre goods.
They're always up to something!This puns on 'up to something,' meaning both suspicious behavior and stairs literally leading upward.
Because they're shellfish!This puns on 'shellfish,' sounding like 'selfish,' describing the crab's stinginess.
It's impossible to put down!This puns on 'put down,' meaning both stopping reading a book and gravity holding objects down.
A python!This puns on 'python,' sounding like 'pie' plus 'thon,' combining the snake and dessert.
Because it felt crummy!This puns on 'crummy,' meaning both feeling unwell and being full of crumbs.
A bull-dozer!This puns on 'bulldozer,' combining 'bull' with 'dozer,' someone who dozes off sleeping.
A bald eagle!This puns on 'bald,' the eagle species name, implying it needs a wig for its 'baldness.'
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!This puns on 'piece of cake,' an idiom for something easy, taken literally as an edible cake.
Purr-ple!This puns on 'purr-ple,' combining a cat's purring sound with the color 'purple.'
To become a purr-medic!This puns on 'purr-medic,' combining a cat's purring sound with 'paramedic.'
A car-pet!This puns on 'carpet,' combining 'car' with 'pet,' referring to a cat riding in a car.
They hiss and make up!This puns on 'hiss and make up,' resembling the phrase 'kiss and make up,' referencing a cat's hissing sound.
Because of its bark!This puns on 'bark,' meaning both a tree's rough outer covering and the sound a dog makes.
An alley cat!This puns on 'alley,' meaning both a bowling alley and a stray cat's typical habitat.
He drank his coffee before it was cool.This puns on 'cool,' meaning both a temperature and trendy, poking fun at hipsters liking things before they're popular.
An impasta!This puns on 'impasta,' sounding like 'imposter,' combined with 'pasta.'
Because it was soda pressing!This puns on 'soda pressing,' sounding like 'so depressing,' referencing crushing soda cans.
I'm Crestfallen.This puns on 'Crestfallen,' combining the toothpaste brand Crest with the word meaning disappointed.