159 Dirty (But Clean) Family Riddles With Answers
The classic joke format: a riddle that sounds thoroughly rude and has a completely innocent answer. The humour is entirely in what the listener assumed, which means the riddle stays clean and the audience does not.
They are family-safe in the strict sense - every answer here is innocent - but the setups are suggestive, so read the room before using them with young children.
Every riddle has its answer on the page.
I warm the heart and I chill the skin, I can take human form, but I may vanish into nothing, soon after I am born. What am I?
A snowman brings joy ("warms the heart") while being cold to the touch, and quickly melts away after being built.
How did Frosty know he had dandruff?
Dandruff appears as flakes on the shoulders, punned here with "snowflakes" since Frosty is made of snow.
What's a snowman's favorite food?
"Brrrr-ger" is a pun on "burger" combined with "brrrr," the sound of shivering from the cold.
A pipe, a carrot, and a couple sticks are lying together in a field. Why?
A pipe, carrot nose, and stick arms are classic snowman decorations left behind once the snow melts away.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman?
This is a suggestive pun implying anatomical differences, using "snowballs" as the punchline.
Why did Frosty the Snowman ask for a divorce?
"Flake" is a pun meaning both a snowflake and slang for an unreliable person.
I saw a man in white, he looked quite a sight. He was not old, but he stood in the cold. And when he felt the sun, he started to run. Please answer me. Who could he be?
The "man in white" who stands in the cold and melts ("runs") in the sun is a snowman.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
"Snow bank" puns on a bank as a financial institution and a snowbank, a pile of snow.
What does a snowman like to eat for breakfast?
"Frosted Flakes" is a pun on a cereal brand name and the frosty, flaky nature of snow.
How did the court know the judge was ready for bed?
The pun relies on 'robe' meaning both the judge's official courtroom garment and a bathrobe worn before sleep.
A woman proves in court that her husband was murdered by her sister, but the judge decides that the sister cannot be punished. Why?
Because the two sisters are conjoined twins, punishing the guilty sister would also unjustly punish the innocent one.
Why would Snow White be a good judge?
The pun plays on 'fair' meaning both impartial (a good judge) and beautiful, as Snow White is famously called.
What does a lawyer wear to court?
The pun turns 'lawsuit' (a legal case) into a piece of clothing a lawyer 'wears' to court.
Which of the following words don't belong in the group and why? CORSET, COSTER, SECTOR, ESCORT, COURTS
CORSET, COSTER, SECTOR, and ESCORT are all anagrams of the same six letters, while COURTS uses a different letter set.
Blend a teapot shot so the pearlies whites won't rot! What is it?
This is an anagram/wordplay riddle where 'teapot shot' rearranges into letters suggesting 'toothpaste,' which keeps pearly whites from rotting.
When should you charge your electric toothbrush?
The pun switches 'charge' from meaning recharge a battery to meaning charge a purchase to a credit account.
Who is a painstaking man?
The riddle plays on 'painstaking' literally meaning one who takes (causes) pain, describing a dentist's work.
What do you call dental X-rays?
The pun blends 'tooth' with 'photos/pics' to form 'Tooth-Pics,' sounding like 'toothpicks.'
Why are Tooth Fairies so smart?
The pun relies on 'wisdom teeth' literally sounding like a source of wisdom.
What would you do if you broke a tooth while flossing?
The joke is a silly non-sequitur suggesting toothpaste as a fix, since it's the other common tooth-related product.
Why did the king go to the dentist?
The pun plays on 'crown' meaning both a king's headpiece and a dental cap.
I'm white, and used for cutting and grinding. When I'm damaged, humans usually remove me or fill me. For most animals, I am a useful tool. What am I?
Each clue (white, cuts and grinds, gets filled or pulled when damaged) points directly to a tooth.
What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
The misdirection makes you think of something suggestive, but the mundane answer is a toothbrush, which is used in the mouth and can be electric (vibrating).
Can you list 15 items that are sold in pairs?
The riddle is a listing challenge naming everyday items that commonly come sold as matched pairs, such as shoes, gloves, and Reese's peanut butter cups.
If 10 bags of jelly beans and 6 licorice sticks cost $1, and 10 licorice sticks and 6 jelly bean bags cost 92 cents. How much does one licorice stick cost?
Solving the two simultaneous equations for the price of jelly bean bags and licorice sticks gives licorice sticks at 5 cents each.
Two women and two doctors walk into an ice cream parlor. They each order an ice cream cone. When their ice creams come, there is only 1 strawberry,1 chocolate and 1 vanilla. How come they didn't complain?
Since one of the two women is also one of the two doctors, there are only three people total, matching the three ice cream cones.
Why do prisoners like to eat a lot of sweets?
'Break out' puns on escaping prison and getting a sugar-induced skin breakout from eating too much candy.
If you cross a cliff with jelly beans what do you get?
'Rock candy' puns on a rocky cliff combined with jelly bean candy.
What do kids, worms, bears, fish, and rings alll have in common?
Gummy candy comes shaped as gummy worms, gummy bears, gummy fish, gummy rings, and even 'gummy' kids' shapes.
What is a sheep's favorite type of chocolate?
'Baaa' mimics a sheep's bleat and puns on the candy bar brand 'Hershey's'.
Two fathers and three sons walk into a candy shop and buy one candy bar each for 50 cents each. They walk out only spending $1.50. How do they do that?
Three people (a grandfather, his son, and his grandson) count as 'two fathers and three sons' simultaneously, so only three candy bars were bought.
If John has 60 chocolates and he eats two-thirds of them, what does he have now?
The riddle is a trick question: it asks what John 'has' rather than how many chocolates remain, so the real answer is a health consequence like diabetes.
What sweets do geologists like?
'Rock candy' puns on rocks, the subject geologists study, and the crystallized sugar candy.
What goes in dry and hard, but comes out wet and soft?
Gum is firm when first put in the mouth, then becomes soft and moist after chewing with saliva.
What goes in hard, comes out soft, and you blow continuously?
Chewing gum starts hard, softens as you chew it, and can be blown into bubbles.
When is a boat like a knife?
'Cutter' is both a type of small sailing boat and a term for something that cuts, like a knife.
I'm done to boats, to cargo, to loads; When indoors I'm, in a way, a narrow road. What am I?
'Haul' (moving boats or cargo) is a homophone of 'hall', a narrow indoor passageway.
What type of boat has authority?
'Ownership' puns on 'owner-ship', combining the word 'ship' with having authority as an owner.
What house has a post on top, A roof at the bottom, While the rain comes from below?
A boat's mast (post) sits above the hull (roof-like bottom), and being on water, spray or waves can splash up from below like rain.
Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell out, who was left on the boat?
Answering 'Repeat' forces the asker to repeat the whole riddle again, making it a self-repeating joke.
You walk onto a bridge you see a boat full of people but there is not a single person on it. How is that possible?
'Not a single person' plays on 'single' meaning unmarried, so a boat full of married people has no single person on it.
Where do you take a sick boat?
'Dock' puns on 'doc' (doctor), where a sick boat would be taken to be fixed.
Why is a farm-yard like a hotel?
Pun on 'gobblers': turkeys that gobble live in a farmyard, while greedy overeaters ('gobblers') check into hotels.
What does a turkey do when it flies upside down?
Double meaning of 'gobbles up': the turkey's call and the phrase for going upward when upside down.
Where do turkeys go dancing?
Pun on 'Butterball', a famous turkey brand, reimagined as a dance ball.
What do you call a naughty turkey?
Dark pun: a misbehaving turkey ends up being eaten, i.e., becomes dinner.
Where do Thanksgiving Birds go on vacation?
Pun on 'turkey' the bird and Turkey the country.
Why did Santa spell Christmas N - O - E?
Removing the "L" from "Noel" leaves "Noe," playing on the phrase "no L."
Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?
A dyslexic satanist mixes up the similarly spelled words "Satan" and "Santa."
How many letters are in Christmas?
It's a joke answer referring to Santa's mail, not the literal letters in the word "Christmas."
What do you call a santa which does not move?
It's the same pun on "pause" sounding like "Claus," phrased as a different question.
What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
It's a pun on "pause" sounding just like "Claus."
What nationality is Santa?
It's a pun combining "North Pole" with the nationality "Polish."
What does Santa do in his garden?
It's a pun on Santa's signature "Ho Ho Ho" sounding like "hoes," a gardening tool.
On Christmas Eve, when Santa leaves his workshop at the North Pole, what direction does he travel?
Geographic logic: standing at the North Pole, every direction on the compass points south.
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky?
It's a pun on "reindeer" sounding like "rain, dear."
What do you call a deer with no eye?
"No eye deer" sounds like "no idea," the punchline of the pun.
What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
The joke is an anti-riddle: reindeer are real animals that cannot actually speak.
My name starts with "rain" and ends with the first letter of my name. I get mistaken for other things a lot. I am usually present in children's stories. I am usually flying in mid-air too. What am I?
"Rain" plus a final "r" spells "reindeer," fitting Santa's flying storybook animals.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
The pun relies on "buck" meaning both a dollar and a male deer.
What do reindeer use to decorate their antlers?
"Horn-aments" is a pun on "ornaments," since antlers are made of horn.
I would hold you in my embrace until you go blue in the face. You're a deer, you're the apple of my eye eat me and you'll die. What am I?
The riddle plays on "dear/deer" and "apple of my eye," both hinting at cyanide, found in apple seeds and known for causing suffocation (going blue in the face).
What's the cheapest cut of meat?
"Under a buck" puns on a dollar (a buck) and a male deer (a buck).
How can you tell if reindeer have passed on your roof?
The joke plays on the idea that yellow icicles would be frozen reindeer urine.
Which one of Santa's reindeer do you see at a competition?
Dancer shares its name with a performer you'd see competing in a dance competition.
Which one of Santa's reindeer is the fastest?
The name "Dasher" implies speed, matching the reindeer known for dashing along.
What goes through the door without pinching itself, sits on the stove without burning itself, sits on the table, and is not ashamed?
Sunlight can pass through a doorway, fall on a hot stove, and land on a table without ever being physically harmed, since it has no body.
If place 1 cake of soap on a pan of a scale and 3/4 cake of soap and a 3/4-pound weight on the other, the pans balance. How much does a cake of soap weigh?
The extra 1/4 cake on one side must equal the 3/4-pound weight, so 1/4 cake = 3/4 pound, making a full cake weigh 3 pounds.
Why can't a cook swallow his apron?
The pun uses 'goes against his stomach' to mean both physically covering the stomach and being disgusting to swallow.
When is 90 greater than 100?
A microwave's timer reads digits as minutes and seconds, so '100' becomes 1:00 while '90' becomes 1:30, making 90 the longer time.
A woman has three children: MoroEbi, MoroPet and Laura. MoroPet is in the sitting room playing, Moroebi is in the bathroom taking his bath, and the woman is in the kitchen preparing dinner. In what room is Laura.
The trick is grammatical: the question literally states 'In what room is Laura,' so the answer is that she is in the room called 'What Room.'
I am a room. I have a sink. I have a stove. You use me for cooking. What am I?
The riddle simply lists the defining features of a kitchen: a sink, a stove, and its purpose for cooking.
What happened to the man who plugged his electric blanket into a toaster?
The pun connects toast 'popping up' from a toaster with the man 'popping out' of bed.
The sun bakes them, the hand breaks them, the foot treads on them, and the mouth tastes them. What are they?
Grapes ripen (bake) in the sun, are picked (broken) by hand, traditionally crushed by foot to make wine, and finally tasted in that wine.
Why is the best baker most in want of bread?
The pun relies on 'kneads' (working the dough) sounding exactly like 'needs.'
What washes up on tiny beaches?
The pun turns ocean 'microwaves' (tiny waves) into the kitchen appliance.
I have a short, wide body. It is cold and shiny. My insides are hot as flame. I have two mouths. My tail is long and forked. What am I?
The 'two mouths' are the slots for bread, the hot insides are the heating coils, and the forked 'tail' is the electric plug.
What kind of garden does a baker have?
The pun swaps 'flower garden' for 'flour,' the baker's key ingredient.
Why did the outlaw hold up the bakery?
The pun plays on 'kneaded' (working bread dough) sounding like 'needed' (the outlaw needed money, or dough, slang for cash).
If you put roast in a roaster, what do you put in toaster?
The riddle tricks you into rhyming 'toast' for 'toaster' by analogy with roast/roaster, but you actually put bread in to make toast.
Which is the only way a leopard can change his spots?
The pun swaps 'spots' meaning fur markings for 'spots' meaning locations.
You have three stoves: a gas stove, a wood stove, and a coal stove, but only one match. Which should you light first?
Before any stove can be lit, the match itself must be lit first — the riddle is a logic trap about order of operations.
A student was once given a simple task to accomplish. He was given 6 numbers: 1, 10, 20, 30, 40, and 80, and was told to sum them together to be equal to 100. At last, he was able to accomplish this task. How did he do it?
Flipping 10 and 80 upside down/backward turns them into 01 and 08, and 1+01+20+30+40+08 sums exactly to 100.
What are the science teacher's favorite states?
Pun on "states," meaning both U.S. states and the states of matter taught in science class.
What's the difference between a Teacher and a Train?
'Chew, chew' mimics the sound of a train ('choo choo') while contrasting with a teacher scolding a student for chewing gum.
What do grape students do when they have a question?
Pun on "raise" sounding like "raisin," a dried grape.
What is the most useful instrument in a mathematics teacher's tool kit?
Pun on "multiplier," a math operation, sounding like "multi-piler."
What happened to the plant in the math classroom?
Pun on "square roots," a math term, applied literally to a plant's roots.
Why did the boy eat his homework?
The boy literally acts on the idiom "a piece of cake" (meaning easy) by eating his homework.
What do mathematics teachers like to eat?
This is a pun: math teachers 'like to eat' pie, but the number pi (3.14) sounds identical to the dessert.
When is homework not homework?
The name "homework" contradicts itself once it's completed at school instead of at home.
Why does the teacher wear sunglasses when she comes to the class?
Pun on "bright," meaning both intelligent students and blinding light.
Mountains will crumble and temples will fall, and no man can survive its endless call. What is it?
Given enough time, even mountains erode and grand temples crumble, and no living person can outlast it forever.
Who robbed stagecoaches and wore dirty clothes?
The pun swaps the outlaw Jesse James's name for 'Messy James' to reference his dirty clothes.
Half of me builds towers and cities, the other half is squirming in the dirt. When I am whole, I become angry and bitter. Who am I?
The riddle splits the compound word: 'wood' builds towers and cities, 'worm' squirms in dirt, and together 'wormwood' is a famously bitter plant.
What do you call a dirty age?
The pun splits the word 'message' into 'mess' (dirty) and 'age.'
I can soothe you, or drive you nuts. I can be quiet but also blare in your ears. What does this?
Music can range from soothing (soft/classical) to irritating and loud (rock/blaring), matching both contrasting clues.
A recently purchased implement for brushing away floor dirt invariably effaces the dirt most efficiently. What is the proverb?
The wordy description of a new broom cleaning best is simply the classic proverb 'a new broom sweeps clean.'
As I went across the bridge, I met a man with a load of wood that was neither straight nor crooked. What kind of wood was it?
Sawdust is not shaped like straight or crooked planks at all, since it's just fine particles, resolving the false dichotomy in the riddle.
Why is a dirty rug like a bad boy?
The pun plays on 'beating' meaning both punishing a misbehaving boy and physically beating dust out of a rug.
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Every category comes with the answers on the page.